When we seek medical help, we bring more than symptoms. We bring worry, expectations, and sometimes pain that has already worn down our patience before we reach the reception desk.
The people receiving us carry their own burdens: demanding workloads, difficult decisions, and the accumulated stress of caring for people whose needs may outstrip available resources.
These are human encounters. How we treat one another matters.
A recent online discussion about a distressing hospital experience reminded me how quickly an account of feeling dismissed can ignite a firestorm. Others share painful experiences. Defenders describe excellent care. Before long, people are arguing over whose experience represents the truth.
Different experiences can be true simultaneously. We can be grateful for compassionate care and deeply concerned about an encounter that left someone feeling unheard or inadequately cared for.
We have seen welcome improvements in our medical system over the past few years. Significant repair is still needed. Civility cannot supply missing staff, beds, or funding. However, it can improve how we navigate the system we have and how we address its failures.
Understanding the pressure
Someone in excruciating pain may have little capacity to choose their words carefully. Fear can manifest as anger, especially when a person feels unheard.
A recent CHCO report on a surge in suspected overdose calls in St. Stephen brings these pressures closer to home. Ambulance New Brunswick reported at least 19 suspected overdose calls in a month, including 16 in eight days. Although the report did not assess the impact on Charlotte County Hospital, it offers a sobering reminder of the urgent and complex needs our emergency services must meet.
Behind each call is a person needing help. Responding professionals, fellow patients, families, and the wider community can all experience fear and uncertainty. Recognizing that shared vulnerability strengthens the case for adequate resources, compassionate communication, and clear accountability. Every patient deserves an attentive assessment, without assumptions about why they are seeking care.
Doctors, nurse practitioners, and nurses are human, too. Dr Chris Turner, a British emergency medicine consultant and co-founder of Civility Saves Lives, has been raising awareness of how our behavior affects teamwork and patient safety. His initiative highlights research showing that rudeness can impair clinical performance, communication, and cooperation. Professional training does not make someone immune to distraction or demoralization after an unpleasant encounter.
That deserves our attention before we suddenly find ourselves in crisis.
Patients remain entitled to attentive care when distressed. Practitioners remain responsible for their conduct, even when overwhelmed. Understanding the pressures on both sides helps us respond compassionately while upholding those responsibilities.
A path while we need help
When an explanation leaves us frightened or uncertain, a useful starting point is to identify what remains unresolved.
“I am still in considerable pain, and I am concerned that something may have been missed. Could you explain what has been assessed and what happens next?”
We can ask what changes should prompt reassessment, what to do if symptoms persist, and whom to contact. If communication becomes difficult, a trusted companion may help us explain our concerns and remember the answers.
I learned the importance of persistence when my mother endured severe pain for months. Eventually, I insisted on a more thorough investigation, which led to a diagnosis of bone cancer. We cannot know whether an earlier diagnosis would have changed her outcome. What stays with me is how much it depended on someone speaking up.
Everyone deserves a clear route to further attention, including people who arrive alone.
If a concern remains unresolved, asking for the person in charge of the service is a reasonable next step. At Horizon, patients can approach a manager or supervisor, or contact Patient Relations directly if they are uncomfortable or unable to raise the issue with the care team. However, the complaint process must never be confused with seeking attention for an immediate medical concern.
A path when care falls short
Afterward, writing down the experience can help turn distress into a complaint that can be examined: when and where it happened, what was said or done, what concerns went unanswered, and how it affected us.
Then we can identify what we are seeking—an explanation, an acknowledgment, a review of care, or changes that could prevent a similar experience.
For concerns about hospital care and communication, Horizon’s Patient Relations Department provides a formal process, including an online form and 1-844-225-0220. Horizon says a team member will follow up within three business days; resolving the concern may take longer.
Concerns about a physician’s care or professional conduct can also be reported to the College of Physicians and Surgeons of New Brunswick. Patient Relations can help people identify the appropriate route when other professionals are involved.
We can request acknowledgment, an expected timeline, and a written response that explains the findings and any subsequent action. If the response leaves important questions unanswered, we can ask about any further review available.
Our role begins before a crisis
Another responsibility worth considering while we are well enough to reflect is our own participation in our health.
How well do we understand our health conditions, medications, and available services? Do we know whom to contact when something changes? What opportunities do we have to care for ourselves before a concern becomes a crisis?
Taking an active role can include asking questions, maintaining an accurate medication list, discussing appropriate preventive care, and seeking guidance on changes we can realistically sustain. It also means being honest about what we find difficult, such as following a treatment plan we do not understand or cannot afford.
This requires education, encouragement, and opportunity. Advice on healthier living has limited value when someone cannot access nutritious food, suitable physical activity, reliable transportation, or regular care. Leadership can make healthier choices understandable and achievable.
Illness can occur despite our best efforts. Personal responsibility doesn’t guarantee good health, and we must never use it to blame someone who is suffering. However, it does give us a meaningful role to play.
We should build that understanding before pain or fear overwhelms us. As a community, we can help one another become more informed and confident participants in our care while continuing to expect a medical system that listens and responds.
Leadership must make this work
These steps should be clearly communicated, easy to understand, and accessible to anyone who is tired, frightened, or unfamiliar with the system. Leadership must ensure that complaints receive meaningful attention and that recurring concerns inform improvements.
Telling people to use the proper channels creates an obligation to make those channels work.
For our part, we are responsible for how we express our frustration. Personal attacks on healthcare workers and other public servants on social media are unacceptable. Pain, fear, and disappointment deserve acknowledgment; public humiliation and sweeping accusations can deepen the harm. We can speak firmly about what went wrong, document our experience, and pursue a meaningful response through the channels outlined above. Leadership must ensure that doing so results in a fair hearing and appropriate action.
We need resources, leadership, and accountability. We also need to preserve the humanity of today’s encounters.
Practical civility means speaking clearly, listening carefully, and making room for distress without compromising anyone’s dignity. It offers us a way to seek better care while supporting the people we depend on to provide it.
