On his tombstone, American poet Raymond Carver asks: “And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so? I did. And what did you want? To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth.”
These words, which Carver wrote shortly before dying of cancer at age 50 in 1988, encapsulate the universal human desire for love and acceptance, a longing he achieved in the end.
As social creatures, relationships lie at the heart of being human, though some prefer solitude.
This natural desire for intimacy does not wane as we age, when we become widowed, divorced or isolated and lonely as we outlive friends and family.
Over recent decades, people of all ages have sought companionship on the internet, with seniors increasingly turning to dating sites, apps and social media to find romance.
Experiences vary, of course. Some are happy tales, but countless seniors and others fall prey to fraudulent behaviour that breaks hearts and drains bank accounts.
Romance fraud is among the most common scams, according to the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre (CAFC), a national police service that helps citizens report and prevent fraud. In 2022, the agency received 1,420 reports totalling $59 million in losses. Many other cases likely go unreported because victims are too embarrassed.
“Offering companionship and affection to people looking for a relationship is an effective method for developing a connection with potential fraud victims,” the CAFC says. “Once a connection is created, the fraudster can leverage these feelings to convince victims into sending them money.”
In 2023, New Brunswickers reported losing almost $550,000 in an increasingly common scam called romance baiting, in which fraudsters attempt to build a friendly or romantic online relationship then claim they have been successful in cryptocurrency investments, persuading their victim to deposit a small amount of money into their fake trading account. Once the victim sends a significant sum, the scammer ceases contact.
The CAFC warns that when some victims request their money back, fraudsters demand additional funds for supposed taxes and fees, then disappear. Victims may also be approached by others offering to help recover their money for a fee, adding another layer to the scam.
Any one of us can become victims, regardless of age, though factors like loneliness, dementia and a trusting nature can make someone more vulnerable to being defrauded.
We have a collective responsibility to watch out for our vulnerable neighbours, friends and family, especially those who are older and experiencing a cognitive disorder like dementia.
If someone is being scammed, you might notice a change in their personality or habits, says the CAFC. Victims may spend a significant amount of time online with the fraudster but will be reluctant to share details about the relationship with you. They may reduce communication with friends and family, at the behest of the fraudster who is trying to isolate them and reduce the chances you will find out about the scam. Victims may also be in financial trouble.
If you suspect that you or someone you know has been a fraud victim, it is important to report it to your local police and the CAFC. This can help authorities prevent someone else from being victimized.
Together, let’s be vigilant about protecting ourselves and seniors from online exploitation, to help maintain financial security and dignity across the lifespan.
Heather Campbell Pope is founder of Dementia Justice Canada, a small nonprofit dedicated to safeguarding the rights and dignity of people with dementia. She lives in St. Stephen, N.B.
